She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
