If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
