What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
