I think my fart just growled at me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
