Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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