in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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