I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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