best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
