My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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