he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
