Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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