Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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