I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We just shotgunned beers for America
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
