My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my liver is dry heaving
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
