he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
