Cold hands, warm shart.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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