Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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