Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
