Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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