Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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