Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it because I queefed?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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