I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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