Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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