you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
