I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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