i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
