oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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