Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
