I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
