i think i have herpe
just one?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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