Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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