i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have already put on my inside pants.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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