Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
