I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
