a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
