We named our party play list daddy issues
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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