The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
