I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
