Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
