i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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