Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize