brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
