i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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