turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
