I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
