So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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