did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
