I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
