Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
