hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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