The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
