woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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