My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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