Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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