this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
