I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
