You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
