Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
