Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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