the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
