I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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