Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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