i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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