So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
