I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found puke in my bra..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
