I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
