Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
