he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
