so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
