he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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