I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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