This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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